Before I became a mother, I was a social worker supporting other people’s kids. I was a traveller using my savings exclusively to see the world, and a self care advocate always jumping from boxing to yoga class, sometimes back-to-back. As much as I loved this freedom, I knew deep down I wanted a family.
From the moment I found out I was entering motherhood, I was rocked. I found out that I was pregnant with twins. As a mother-to-be of two at once, my expectations of “how things would go” went out the window; from my birth plan to my career plan, everything changed the moment I heard two heartbeats.
Once I held those two tiny humans in my arms, I felt myself giving every ounce of love and energy and space possible to these two new beings. The love was, and still is, indescribable. But I was challenged beyond belief to remain zen and grounded in the face of so much change (including the logistics of handling two babies at once, building a home from the ground up, moving, sleep training, dealing with my mom’s cancer diagnosis, my husband's career ramping up etc).
Motherhood created huge new depths of my heart and of my emotional range – reaching new highs and lows sometimes within minutes of each other. I viscerally felt the vulnerability created by loving someone (or two) so deeply, and yet had no control over the outcome of their lives, nor mine. I worried about my mortality in new ways. Old patterns and habits of self-criticism reared their heads with nights spent wondering “Am I doing a good enough job? Am I being the mother I want to be? Am I making mistakes that will impact these perfect little beings? “
In this new turbulent time I felt myself enter the phase of “mama martyr” – I fed the girls pureed nutritious food and forgot to nourish myself. I tried to start a business but was too tired from nights not sleeping/ worrying/ researching/ dealing with illness to invest in myself. I felt myself giving over my body and my spirit to these new beings in my life, but didn’t know how else to survive.
After much back and forth, decisions about child care, obsessing about the “grass is always greener” thought pattern between stay at home mom and working full time, I made the decision to do SOMETHING. I needed to get out of limbo and force my ambivalent soul to commit. I signed up for a coaching program that would hold me accountable, with the goal to reclaim a part of myself beyond the role of mother and also to remember my VALUES (what keeps me alive, what I can’t live without, what sparks me and fuels my drive).
I have a craving for other mothers to (re)find alignment in their lives to be happy, trust themselves and be free of the “chatter” that comes along with motherhood. I want women to trust their inner voices and intuition in new motherhood and in their changing role. I want them to discover the new version of themselves: what is let go and what grows in its place. I want to hold conversations that move away from old narratives and stories of what motherhood is/ looks like (from our mothers, from society, from our partners) and I want to support women in reclaiming themselves in the process.
When I look back at all I’ve survived, and thrived through, I really see the need for women to have their own Dream Team – a network of support to help mamas ride the waves of being a new parent. In the digital world, and with so many of our friends dispersed throughout the world, I wish I would’ve had a collection of sage women to answer all those questions that Google could never provide. Luckily my good friend Rachel Schipper has done the research for new mamas and has put together an amazing online program to do just that. I am super proud to be a faculty member of The New Mom Dream Team (www.newmomdreamteam.com) and boy do I wish it existed in my first year of being rocked! The curated approach to having professional, insightful information at your fingertips is deeply appealing to me as a coach, and as a mama who constantly craves the balance between information, trusting my gut and finding connection with other women who can listen, laugh, cry and just be there, as we navigate the murky waters of parenthood together. Here's a small taste of the New Mom Dream Team, hope you enjoy!